It’s Saturday and the family is home this weekend instead of at the lake. The two teenage girls are like any teenage girls, focused on enjoying the day and doing their thing.

 

Kathy, the mom, had other plans as most moms’ do. There needs to be some room cleaning and some thing done around the house.

 

“I’m going outside to do some lawn and yard work. When your TV show is finished cleaning your rooms is next and you should be done by the time I get back in.” states Kathy.

 

Guess what? Yep, an hour or so later Kathy is back in the house, the girls are still at the TV, on the phone, still in pajamas and no the rooms had not been entered.

 

By the way, does this ever happen at work with employees or customers? How about your home?

 

Usually one saves the outcome till last, yet because this is an important story I’ll give you this. Kathy does get almost miraculous obedience from the girls, yet not in a conventional way. You’ll want to get the full story ……

 

So we have the teenage girls who are exhibiting the normal behavior of doing their own thing rather than complying with mom.

 

Kathy comes in and once more indicates to them that the rooms and house chores need to be done and done now.

 

Ok, your prediction is? Yep, same behavior and no chores done.

 

Now, you and I know this happens everyday in many households and even at work. We give directions to others, they know what should be done and they know how to do it. Yet they procrastinate or just never seem to get it done.

 

So what do you do and how did Kathy get a different reaction?

 

Well Kathy is enrolled in our Leadership Strategies Program and had participated in several sessions to date. This story comes from her report on applying the concepts.

 

After several attempts to get the girls to comply, the frustration was setting in. She did not want to confront them and create a negative atmosphere, yet she wanted them to be responsible.

 

“I wonder if there is something in this training program I’m taking that just might work? Let’s see, Outcome Based Thinking is the foundation. The outcome I want is for the girls to be responsible and responsive to the house hold needs. My minimum acceptance on this is me helping them. I’ve done that before, yet I really should not have to do that.” As Kathy ponders the six steps.

 

“Am I really looking at this from their perspective or just mine? What would they need to hear or understand in order to say yes to my request?”

 

“Hum, am I requesting or am I demanding they do this? How else could I approach this to get a different outcome?”

 

As a trainer I really like to hear this next part.

 

Kathy goes to the book for the program and begins going through the material. She is looking for that different approach that just might work. After all, nothing is working so far, what does she have to lose?

 

I know I have been there; we keep trying the same approach and get the same outcome, yet expect others to respond and behave differently.

 

Albert Einstein indicated; “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different outcome!”

 

Kathy realized she was using the same approach and it was not working. As she paged through the manual looking for a different tool to use she came across “The Tell You” language pattern approach.

 

“That’s it, I have to try this and see if anything happens!”

 

Kathy approaches the girls and has their eye contact. “I won’t tell you to take care of your rooms, because you know it’s your responsibility and you are responsible girls.”

 

There is a somewhat blank stare, blinking of the eyes and the oldest responds, “Ok” turns and goes directly to her room and starts in. The younger girl follows without comment and does the same.

 

Kathy stands stunned and takes a moment to realize what just happened.

 

“It really works!” is her comment as she presents the report.

 

So why does this work and how did Kathy get more results without using a stick?

 

What Kathy had been learning about in the Leadership Strategies program is that communication is not really about us, rather it is about them.

 

It is not really about what we want; rather it is about how the other person sees the situation and understands it.

 

Outcome Based Thinking helps us to see the situation differently. From there we can choose different tools that may work better for that given situation.

 

So how does “The Tell You” approach work and get a different outcome?

 

Most likely you have heard the term “reverse psychology” some where along the line. What really happens is the brain hears the words, yet process these words as images. (This happens in about 80% of people) Some words are not translated into images and therefore are not processed by the brain.

 

“The Tell You” approach applies this “hidden language” along with “power words” and embedded commands.

 

The audible side hears a softened approach that “sounds” like a request and no command is being applied.

 

The brain “sees” something quite different. It filters out words that can not be imaged and process the words that do create images. That is how the command gets through.

 

Also the use of “because”, the fourth most powerful word, initiates an auto response that has been programmed into us over the years. We respond to the word “because” just like we have every time our parents said it!

 

Ok, mystery solved, it worked for Kathy and has given her a new approach that has proven to work for her.

 

Might it just work for you as well?

 

This tool and many others come from our work with Dr. Kevin Hogan, Dr. Eric Knowles and several others.

 

I won’t tell you these tools could also work for you, because you will find out how powerful they are once you have tried them yourself.

 

When you want more tools such as these, contact us. The web site is www.BusArcOnLine.com.

 

Till next week, see it from the others point of view!

 

Harlan Goerger

National Training Director

 

© Harlan Goerger, 9/2007