Overcoming Resistance and Beliefs         

3 keys and 4 steps to gaining change in others    Click here for PDF 

 

Have you ever known a person with a habit or behavior that just drove you crazy? Maybe it’s a customer, an employee, a friend or family member. Possibly it was a habit or behavior that had very negative effects on their performance, job, life and family.  

 

You’ve talked to them; others have talked to them and to no avail. The habit or behavior continues and they justify it even more than before. What to do! Well…just maybe we have an answer for you, read on…. 

 

As we study resistance, behavior and beliefs we find the Law of Inconsistence at work. The law simply stated is: people tend to do things that are inconsistent, if not opposite of their stated goals/values/ beliefs. ie: On a diet, weighs all the food, looses 5 pounds, celebrates by going to McDonald’s for a Super Sized Big Mac burger and Fries.  

 

This is why trying to change someone’s behavior without understanding their beliefs usually does not work. Here are some key points to understand about beliefs and behavior: 

 

1.    Beliefs act as filters to the outside world. We can hear, read or gain information that is completely contrary to our belief, yet we will filter out that which is opposed and retain that which reinforces our belief.  

 

2. Direct confrontation or continual cajoling of another’s belief, actually reinforces the belief and puts the person into fight/flight mode. They now avoid you or bring up every logical or ill-logical argument in defense of their belief. You are trying to have them say they are WRONG.  

 

3. Beliefs are changed only when something causes the belief to come into question by the belief holder. The most effective is an emotional thought or situation that creates internal dissonance within the person’s mind. Thus they have to sort the confusion, make a new choice and create a new belief.   

 

So how does one alter or go about changing another’s belief to obtain a different behavior?  

 

Warning: what you are about to read will work the majority of the time. However, there are some that take far more than a simple conversation to get change. Some need a life threatening event or equivalent 

 

To provide an example, take a service club group of 50 business people. Let’s ask them some questions and assume some answers.  

 

          How many have ever smoked in their lives?              90%    45 people 

          How many have quit smoking in their lives?               80%    40 people 

          This leaves 10% as smokers                                       10%      5 people 

 

Now for some more answers and we will assume the group will answer as most test groups have.  

 

For those of you who have quit smoking, how effective were others negative comments about smoking?                          100%   40 people     not effective (Point 2 above) 

 

For those of you who have quit smoking, was the key to your quitting something emotional or effecting a belief?            80%    32 people     yes           (Point 3 above) 

 

From this simple poll we could conclude that some type of emotional thought, engagement or incident triggered a question about the belief that kept them smoking and started the change in their belief/behavior.      

 

So how could we use this type of information and understanding to cause someone else to question their beliefs? Here is a possible conversation with one of the smokers in the business group.  

 

  Joe how is it that you got started smoking?  

 

  “I guess when I was 14 a bunch of us stole some cigarettes and tried them out. We kept it up and most of us have smoked ever since.” 

 

  What was it about that cigarette or smoking that seemed to turn you on?  

 

  “It was cool; it was what everyone else was doing. It also made us feel grownup and rebellious, which was also cool.” 

 

  As you got older and continued to smoke, what kept you going?  

 

  “Well, I guess it had become a habit and most others seemed to be smoking as well. I was an adult and could make my own choices even if others didn’t like it.” 

 

  As you look at smoking today, what is it that keeps you going?  

 

  “It’s a habit; I’ve done it for 20 years and don’t know how to quit?” 

 

  So how do the ideas such as being cool, everyone is doing it, and it’s my choice fit in today for you?  

 

  “Well, I sill look at it as my choice, it seems like one of the few we still have. As far as cool and everyone else smoking, I don’t care, it’s my choice.” 

 

  Well Joe, let’s look forward, you’re 60 years old, what is it you would like to be doing, could you paint me a picture of your lifestyle?  

 

  “Let’s see, I want to be retired or able to retire, would like to travel a lot, possibly around the world. My sons and brothers love to go North to fish, so we could do a lot more of that. I would want to be active in a lot of things, not just sit around.”  

 

  Let’s just suppose you choose to continue smoking as you are today, what effect might that have on your picture at age 60?  

 

  “Uhm, that is a good question. I am not really sure. I would have to be healthy to do the things I want to and I am not sure how good a health I would have. I feel good now, but hopefully would feel the same at 60. I guess it would depend upon the choices I make.”  

 

  Ok Joe, that’s an honest answer, let’s back up and assume you make a different choice today. How might that change the odds of your picture at 60 actually happening?  

 

  “You’re making me think here; I guess it would probably increase the odds rather than lessen them.”  

 

  Well, as an independent thinker and a person who always has choice, what choice do you think would be the best for you today and for your future?  

 

  “I can see what the obvious choice should be.” 

 

Now this is a bit simplified example, but it does take you though the 4 steps.  

 

1. All beliefs and behaviors are learned; most of us can not articulate our beliefs or really understand where they come from. We must take them back to the beginning so both parties understand where the belief was learned and why.  

 

2. Take them to the present and what they see and understand of the belief today. Note it is now a habit and cool is not an issue.  

 

3. Project them into the future and what they would like to see for themselves and others important to them. How might this belief affect or prevent that from happening.  

 

4. Bring them back to the present and a different choice. How does this affect their future picture?  

 

Please note that no where in this conversation were any new information, suggestion, statistics or recommendations provided by the interviewer. This is pure Socratic Questioning, leading the person to their own logical conclusion.  

  

Salespeople, think this can help you with objections? Managers, think this can help you with compliance and gaining commitment?  

 

For more on the Socratic Methods, beliefs and behaviors check out www.BusArc.com 

For more on beliefs get Dr. Hogan’s new book Covert Persuasion