This last week several things came to my attention that pointed to the same thing.

 

I don’t know about you, but sometimes the most diverse occurrences converge and send a message. Have you ever had that happen?

 

Let’s see, 400 people at a funeral, a goal setting program, a sales call and a how not to get sued article. What could these 4 occurrences have in common for both you and me? ……..

 

Well let’s start with the 400 people at a funeral. Actually I did not attend this event; rather it was the culmination of the life of a guy called Marty. At the Sales & Marketing Executives lunch we had a speaker, VJ Smith. VJ is an educated man and worked for the alumni at the University in Brookings, SD. He wrote a book called “The Richest Man in Town”, Marty.

 

While I haven’t the space to tell the whole story, here is quick review.

 

You see VJ meet Marty at the Wall Mart in Brookings, SD. Marty was a cashier there and always had the longest line of people waiting to check out. This is not because he was slow, rather because they wanted the Marty touch. VJ was also touched by this elderly man with the great smile, time for everyone and an ability to connect with anyone that came through his line.

 

Now to most observers, Marty was not wealth, lived in a trailer park and had to work to pay the bills, so what was so special about him?

 

Well, there was obviously something special because VJ thought someone should write a letter to Wall Mart about this special guy, so VJ did. This act brought VJ and Marty together and a strong friendship ensued and resulted in a book about the simple life of a simple man with a simple mission. To make the best of every day and every encounter he had.

 

Without writing the book, Marty engaged people in such a way as to impact not only their day, but their lives! How do we know this?

 

I’ve been told you can tell the impact of a life on others by the size of the funeral. This check out clerk at Wall Mart who had no family had over 400 people at his funeral! Most of them saying how they will miss their friend, Marty.

 

Marty’s 3 principles:

 

Key to persuasion: It’s not about you, it’s about them!

 

We’ll hook this all together by the end.

 

The second occurrence was meeting with a successful businessman that had invested several years in an intensive coaching program. We talked about this and all the materials he had accumulated through that program. He offered me a section of the material that happened to be on goal setting.

 

Now we all know about goal setting, we’ve been thorough it dozens of times right!

 

As I read the material and listened to the CD’s, it became obvious I liked the approach. It was not about money, or big business. It was about Character!

 

That’s right, as I summarized what was being presented in the goal setting process, the goals focused on who you wanted to become, what was your character, how did you want others to perceive you, how did you want to impact the world around you. The financial aspect was not included because money was a result of your character! Yes you can set financial goals and achieve great riches. The question is, how rewarding is your life?

 

The focus of this goal setting was on how your character could impact others in a positive way. If you could do this, the material rewards would be there! Each goal area caused you to consider how your actions, thinking and behaviors would affect those around you, how they would benefit as well as you!

 

I have always pushed the idea in goal setting that the material aspect would come to you as long as others benefited as well. This set of CD’s simply put into better words and focus than I had.

 

Once more the key to persuasion: It’s not about you, it’s about them!

 

As we move on to the third event, a sales call.

 

For most of my sales calls I figure 30 minutes, but this one took a different turn.

 

As I meet with the VP the Sales Manager was also called in. I knew both men and the company so a bit of friendly chatter and I gave the Sales Manger some info he could use on a totally unrelated issue. As we talked about the challenges in their business and the sales team the clock just kept ticking. Soon almost two hours had past and we were still talking about several challenges. They of course were doing 90% of the talking!

 

A plan was assembled and a next step was put in place.

 

Isn’t it interesting how people forget about the clock, the work load and other issues when the conversation is focused on them and what they want?

 

Key to persuasion: It’s not about you, it’s about them!

 

Then on Sunday I get a weekly article from my friend Vince Harris. It’s about how not to get sued!

 

In his article ( www.vinceharris.com) he quoted a study done on the medical field and doctors getting sued. It’s a very interesting read and would suggest it for anyone in the medical field or any business.

 

To summarize it, a researcher studied the communications among doctors that had been sued and those that had not. Yet both had made errors!

 

The bottom line; if the patient felt the doctor communicated in a way that created trust, indicated concern for the patient and did not talk down to the patient, they did not get sued!

 

If the patient felt the doctor talked down, did not seem concerned about them or did not effectively engage them, they got sued!

 

The information give by all the doctors was the same, the skill level and experience was comparable. The only difference was the perception of the patient!

 

Key to persuasion: It’s not about you, it’s about them!

 

Ok, hopefully you got it. In all four examples the focus was put on the other person. I realize this is not the main focus of our culture, yet to be truly persuasive begins with understanding the other party!

 

That is why the phrase: It’s not about you, it’s about them! Is the key to persuasion!

 

Yet salespeople, managers and leaders keep pushing their product or idea onto others with out fully understanding the other party!

 

Take a moment and think about them before you meet. What might they be wanting, needing and hopeful for? 

 

I’ll bet you get a different outcome!

 

Till next week, keep listening!

 

Harlan Goerger, National Director of Training

 

© Harlan Goerger 10/2007