In
Minneapolis the phone is ringing every
five minutes.
“Have you
got it figured out yet? Is he lying? We
know he is lying, but we need some type
of proof!”
“Yes, I
know he is lying, I just am not putting
my finger on it yet!”
“Dr.
Hogan, we have to go to press on this,
can you verify it?”
Thus the
conversation went that day until Dr.
Hogan, body language expert, said “AH,
HA, I have it!”
Have you
ever had the sense that something just
wasn’t right, yet could not put your
finger on what is telling you
that?
Here are
the answers Dr. Hogan discovered and
some ideas that could help you….
You see,
reading body language is a science all
to itself. Our mind and body are so
connected that it is impossible to hide
or control all our emotional
reactions.
Just the
other day in a training session, I gave
the example of two different women
describing the perfect evening; one
jetting to Paris, one at home by the
fire. I have used this example many
times with predictable answers. This
time one female participant indicated
the woman was “horney”, (it is risky
asking questions) and I reacted with an
uncontrolled blush.
I
realized my reaction yet could do
nothing about it. My body language was
being controlled by an emotional
response!
It is
this emotional response that all of us
are susceptible to and are challenged
to control.
It is
this emotional response that tells us
the true feeling or reaction of others.
If we can learn to read this more
effectively what could it tell
us?
Back to
President Clinton; after
viewing the tape multiple times, Dr.
Hogan was getting frustrated. He
knew there was something different,
but what?
Ah, Ha,
Clinton was using his right arm and
hand to emphasize his point, he is left
handed! He normally uses his left hand
and arm!
BIG
POINT! It is not so much the actual
body language itself as the change in
body language. If someone makes a
significant change in their body or
facial expression, it could be noting
an emotional change!
When I
demonstrate deep questioning methods
with a training participant in our
programs, the body change can be very
dramatic as we get closer to their true
feelings and views!
The
challenge I note is how many people
observing the demonstration miss this
dramatic change that is happening right
in front of them!
-
“What body Language
was noted?”
-
“What facial
expressions were
displayed?”
In many
communications programs the statement,
“What you do speaks so loud I cannot
hear what you say!” is present in some
form or another.
Other
research indicates that body and facial
language may be up to 90% of what is
communicated or read by the other
person! That is consciously or
unconsciously!
So much
for great language and verbal
skills!
If this
is all so, then what can you and I do
to read others better? Here are a few
points to consider:
-
Always be
observing others body posture and
position.
-
Note any
changes in their posture or position
when a point is made or question is
asked.
-
If the
change is more open and friendly your
probably in good shape.
-
If the
change is more closed and withdrawn,
consider changing your presentation,
question or note your own body
language
-
When
noting a change in another, shift to
clarifying if they understand the
communication or have
concerns.
-
If you
note a closing type posture or negative
change, re-engage the other person by
asking open questions, get something
into their hands, get them up and
moving and check your own body
language.
-
If you
note a change in others, also note how
you are reacting or feeling inside. We
often times “mirror” others without
realizing it. If they project negative
body language, we might also be
“mirroring” that negative signal back
to them!
-
Realize
the difference in
genders. One study showed
that a woman listening to someone
present an idea nods her head
indicating she is listening, not
necessary agreeing. The same
presentation to a man who is nodding
indicates his agreement! Is there a
difference in outcome?
The area
of “body language” is a huge study. The
first step is to be aware and observe
what others do and how they change
under different circumstances.
So what
are some ideas you can use to put
yourself more in control of the body
language you project?
-
There is
a difference between a true smile and a
contrived smile. While in front of a
mirror think of something that really
makes you laugh or smile. Note how your
smile looks and how it feels inside.
Now think of something neutral or
negative and force yourself to smile.
What is the difference? How does it
feel inside? Now make sure you feel
inside like the real smile and people
will read the real smile!
-
When you
note a change in someone else, note how
you are feeling and what your body is
doing. Might you want to change
something?
-
Research
shows that the majority of people feel
more comfortable when you are on their
right side and looking at their right
eye with your right eye. We did several
experiments ourselves and yes it does
make a difference. Lefties, you run
about 50/50 on this.
-
Always be
aware of your posture and keep it as
correct as possible. Next time you see
poor posture in someone else, be aware
of your thoughts about them. Might
others think the same of
you?
-
Be very
aware of eye contact. Look people in
the eye and observe their eyes. They
are the window to the soul! In western
society about 80% eye contact is
expected. In other cultures it might be
slightly less.
Ok, we
could keep going, there is plenty more
on subtle body signals that tell us a
great deal about others.
If you
really want to see a master at reading
subtle body signals, search Darren Brown,
Persuasion Master from England (now
has a show on PBS).Virtually
everything he does is based on
reading the other person.
Just
think if you could master the art of
reading others. What doors would it
open? What opportunities could it
create?
