Articles - Awarness Aptitude Part II

Last week’s article gave us 9 questions to provide insight into our communications aptitude. This week we’ll look at the first 3 of the 9.

Many times during my conversations with business people and others, it appears there is a recurring concept that Sales Skills are very different from Leadership or Management Skills.

Generally, after clarifying the thought processes with questioning the conclusion becomes very different. In fact, most agree that the skills and tools are the same; it is a matter of how they are applied!

Two recent examples I have recently came across that discovered this conclusion are a plant coordinator and a physician.

The plant coordinator worked with both the upper management and the production floor. He hated the idea that he was a salespeople because he did not want to be pushy. Yet, 90% of his time was trying to persuade people to take action or make changes. Hmmm, sounds like selling?

The same feelings occurred with the physician. She views her position as technical based, yet the majority of their time was spent with people. The other people being either patients or staff members. He task was usually trying to get some type of cooperation or change from them. Hmmm, sounds like selling?

Both of these examples improved their communications and ability to get cooperation by utilizing the 9 questions. Let’s start with the first 3……

Here is the first one:

What was actually said?

I’ll take this bet to Vegas; you’ve had a conversation with three people involved. A fourth person talks to all three of you independently. They become confused. Why? All three people have a different version of what was communicated!

Talk about frustrating! So what gets done or not done because of this? What happens to productivity, performance and profitability?

There are many factors that cause this phenomenon and we’ll cover them in the other questions, but for now, what can we do to minimize this?

The most direct and simple tool to use is a summary. If we were to make it our habit to always have every conversation summarized by the parties involved, what would be the end result?

Would differences in interpretation be brought out? Would misunderstandings and misconceptions be noted right away? Most likely the answer is yes!

What are the barriers that might cause one to avoid this valuable behavior?

Concern over what others might think or how they might perceive us. “Don’t you listen?” might be the response from others.
Concern over time factors, do we want to take the time to rehash a conversation. Most meetings take too long as it is; now you want to take more time to summarize every point?
We are so use to making assumptions and going with it that our assumptions take over and drive our behavior. We know what happens then.
Overpowering personalities, internal power struggles or past experiences may cause us to back down from asking for clarification.

There are more causes, yet you may be identifying with these already. Hopefully you are not causing these?

The key is, identify why you may not be utilizing this tool and figure out how to overcome it. The balance of the questions will give you more insight!

The second question is:

What words were actually used?

There are two points I want to bring out here.

The first is our memory. It has been proven time and time again that our memories are very pliable. Several people witness the same accident, yet their recollection of the incident may be very different and even more different as time passes!

A study was done where the same accident film with a white car going through a stop sign was shown to several groups of people.

One group was asked to recount what they saw, but the facilitator primed them by talking about the “blue” car. Guess what, the majority recalled a “blue” car instead of a white one.

Another group the facilitator primed the group with “yield” sign instead of stop. Once more the majority recalled it being a “yield” sign instead of a stop sign!

Do our own perceptions, beliefs and views affect our memory or recall? Could someone else’s comments or input alter what we remember?

So how do we counter this? How about using notes, summarizing the conversation or really listening and asking for clarification through the dialog. Could all of these help in reducing this effect?

The second point is that different people utilize and respond to different words! Personally my High D tends to use “see” and “hear” type of words. When I converse with others that use “feel” type words I can be perceived as too direct or cold in my communications. (Familiar with the DISC Profile? If not give us a call.)

Ever have this happen to you?

To observe the type of words that others use can be of great benefit in communicating back in their terms. If a High D communicates in their language to a very High I or S it may come across with a very different meaning or interpretation! It may be perceived so differently that you could be talking a completely different language!

The key is to listen to the words you use in your regular conversation. Then be aware of the type of words others are using. Is there a difference? Most likely there is and altering your words to fit the other person can make a difference! (NLP uses three communications types, Audible, Visual and Kinetic (feeling).)

We deal with more of this in our training programs and the following articles.

The third question is:

What tone or context was used in conveying the words?

The reality is that our brain is on auto pilot most of the time. With so much coming at us at any given moment, we tend to simply react to things subconsciously. Most of our behaviors can be traced back to habitual reactions to outside stimulus. Many of these being formed or created without our conscious effort.

Dr. Kevin Hogan gives an example of a person that may have had some physical abuse as a child and had many a hand raised to them. In your conversation and being very animated, you raise your arm and hands high when communicating your excitement. Subconsciously the person unknowingly reacts negatively towards you (suppressed memory). Neither of you really know why there is a negative reaction, yet a barrier to communication has been established.

Countless studies have been carried out on body language and its effect on communications. All of the studies point to the fact that our body actions, facial expressions and tone of voice communicate more than the actual words!

Just a quick note, in several studies that Dr. Hogan has conducted to verify the simple “right eye” concept, it has been found to have an effect 99% of the time (other than with Lefties, then 50/50)! People like you better and feel more comfortable with a “right eye” view!

So some tips on this body language issue:

Pace your voice speed and tone to the other parties speed and tone.
Position your body in a similar manner to the other parties. Crossed legs, lean back, sit upright or slump.
Observe the change in the other’s body position; this is many times more important than the actual position its self. (Crossed arms does not always mean closed, how about their hands are cold?)
Try to sit at a right angle to people if possible, women prefer straight across for the most part, and be slightly below their eye level if you can. These are less dominant positions and others feel more comfortable.

One can invest hours in understanding “body language”. The key for now is to be observant of the changes in tone, inflection and position. If you observe you can discover keys to enhancing your communications!

I am hoping this has given you some insight to communications barriers we may be putting in our own way. The next two articles will cover the next 6 questions and give you more insight. Do not miss them!

Till next week, keep your eyes and ears open, your mouth closed!

More on Communications, DISC, Body Language www.BusArcOnLine.com

The first 3 of 9 questions to improve your communications in all situations.